Final words, possibly said by DIY energy installers:

1. "I didn't want to have to chisel out a slot in the wall, so I just pushed it through the same conduit as the mains cable."

2. "It's a good job Health & Safety rules don't apply to DIY, isn't it? Have you done a risk assessment on this scaffolding?"

"Of course; But it fell between two categories."

"And which categories were those?"

"Dangerous and lethal."

3. "It's just DC. Look, I'll show you. You can still handle the cable with the solar panels connected."

4. "The car's got rubber tyres. The charger will still work fine without an earth."

5. "Building Regs Part-L1a states that an unvented cylinder used primarily for space heating can be installed without requiring a qualified heating engineer. That was reassuring. I mean - if it was a skilled job, then it wouldn't say that, would it?"

6. "The fuses keep blowing. Fortunately I've found a guy on ebay who sells them in boxes of 50."

7. "Look, it says it's a 32-Amp trip. B-curve? Type-B? What's the difference, eh?"

8. "I didn't want to waste money buying a large sized crimp tool. There's no point when I've only got four 200-amp battery connections to make."

9. "Yeah - but it's off-grid. You don't have to get the cable sizes checked anyway."

10. "These Lithium Ferrous Phosphate cells are inherently stable. See, you can drive a nail straight through one and..."

11. "Well there was space for either the expansion vessel or the pressure-reducing valve, so it was a toss-up which one to leave out."

12. "It can't be that difficult to wire up an inverter. My cousin, Charlie's got a job fitting 'em, and he's a professional idiot."

13. "Personally I don't see the point of having both a trip and a fuse."

14. "There's nothing wrong with this ladder. My father was using it from before I was born, and his father before that..."

15. "The copper busbar gets really hot when the pump's running. But it hasn't yet melted the plastic insulation, so I've just got used to it smelling a bit."

16. "That's odd. The red warning light doesn't usually flash that fast."

17. "So I thought 'what's the point of getting stainless steel bolts when you can just hang them on the roof hooks with cable ties?'"

18. "It's the second time I've had to replace these trips. They're not very well made. After a few months a crack appears in the side where the sparks fly out."

19. "The instructions said to solder the copper pipes and maintain earth continuity. But to be honest, MDPE pipe with push-fit connections were so much easier. After all, if the water's live, you won't feel it through the plastic anyway, will you?"

20. "To be honest, I got tired of the pressure-release valve going off and dumping all our hot water outside the back door. So I've re-routed the outlet pipe here, above the shower."

I don't 'get' Number-X. What's funny about that?

Then please post here.

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