@transparent They are probably functioning on skeleton staff only.

And we've fresh news from the crime scene at Bury Head, where our reporter says a lorry has just delivered some Portaloos.

A detective constable said that it was likely to be a lengthy investigation, and up until now, police had little to go on.

@transparent Latest: The Police have unearthed a midden - they are looking into it.

Since we’ve now strayed quite significantly from the original brief about renewables humour….

Each year, there is a friendly North Sea rivalry that results on a competition between Scandinavian and British maritime communities. It is a form of competitive eating in which contestants have to consume fish - in this case tench - and last year saw a thrilling final. An outsider, Andrew Hicks from Fife, looked set to take the title before having to retire due to one of his teeth falling out. This left the way clear for the favourite, Sven Larssen, to cruise to victory with a final count of nine fish.

The Central Fife Times, therefore, led with the unforgettable headline

One tooth free for Fife’s Hicks. Sven ate nine tench.

Don’t worry; the taxi’s already ordered.

@majordennisbloodnok And ‘ere’s yer coat! I hope it is an electric Uber Taxi on order!

In the ongoing investigation at Bury Head, police have asked members of the public to be on the lookout for any other body parts after a farmer gave them a hand.

A local delivery driver said that he too had offered a hand to the police, but they told him to keep it because second hand evidence is inadmissible in court.

When asked if the farmer's hand was linked to the same case, a sergeant said it couldn't be because they'd taken the case away two days earlier.

Posted by: @majordennisbloodnok

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One tooth free for Fife’s Hicks. Sven ate nine tench.

Reminds me of one of my all time favourite real world headines after a Scottish football match:

Detectives assigned to the Bury Head case have widened the search and discovered limbs being offered for sale by an online auction house.

"Whilst his falls short of establishing a connection to the existing body of evidence," explained a press spokesman, "we're on the lookout for an arms dealer."

For sale: electric scooter. Needs new battery box and handle-bar.

350w 36v motor, with energy recovery.

Buyer collects: SE Moscow

One of my offspring has been looking at the models in a nativity scene beneath the Christmas Tree, whilst telling me the story in case I didn't happen to know it.

She picked up a bearded brown-skinned character in a turban before announcing "Well he's not a wise man; he's wearing a dress"!

I pondered briefly on whether the best response would be an explanation of historical costume, or the provisions of anti-discriminatory legislation.
But then quickly dismissed such thoughts.

After all, she's a two-year-old.
They can be brutal!