Faced with this magnificent example of joined-up government, British heat pump manufacturers have responded with admirable ingenuity. I salute them!

Introducing the HEAT-SEEKER 7500. An 8kW air source heat pump boasting a 25km missile range, 4.2 SCOP, automatic threat detection and revolutionary weather and threat (WAT) compensation.

Better still, its now eligible under the newly proposed Ballistic Upgrade Scheme (BUS).

Simply bolt three surface-to-air missiles onto the unit and, according to the manufacturers, it can intercept an incoming enemy aircraft while maintaining a respectable 45C flow temperature.

Finally, a heating system the Treasury can justify funding.

NATO has been consulted and thankfully Britain's energy transition hasn't been cancelled. It's simply being rearmed!

You may well be right, @toodles. However, "modern" is definitely not an adjective to use on me.

@toodles, I suspect you're getting a little confused. I think we might need to sit down and have a chat about the difference between the concepts of "best" and "worst"....

🤡